


I am lost and led only by the stars

by bereft_of_frogs



Series: let the human in (whumptober 2020) [11]
Category: Into the Night (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Exhaustion, Fever, Gen, Self-Reflection, Sickfic, Whump, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27335755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bereft_of_frogs/pseuds/bereft_of_frogs
Summary: A quiet reflection on exhaustion, on a cold landing strip under the night sky.
Series: let the human in (whumptober 2020) [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993756
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	I am lost and led only by the stars

**Author's Note:**

> written for whumptober 2020, day 25: I Think I'll Collapse Here, Thanks (blurred vision) 
> 
> fic title: 'Human', Of Monsters and Men

The fuel nozzle blurs, slides out of focus and back in. Mathieu closes his eyes for a moment. His head spins and he sucks in another breath of cold night air to clear it. The wave passes and he opens his eyes. His vision is clear again, the contours of the plane clear against the dark sky.

He’s exhausted. The ache in his head is starting to spread down his neck and shoulders, which can’t be anything good, but there’s nothing to be done. Someone has to fly the plane. They’re running out of aspirin. He just has to push through. Once they’re in the air, he’ll take a break, rest his eyes for a while. Sylvie can handle the flight, as long as the plane doesn’t fall apart around them.

The tanks are full. Ignoring the pain in his hand (pain that is also starting to radiate up his arm in a hot stripe, that can’t be good either, but there’s nothing to be done), he stops the flow of fuel and unfastens the nozzle from the wing. He stops there, not descending the ladder, staying high above the tarmac. He keeps his hand on the wing to steady himself.

Mathieu’s sure the passengers won’t let him get any rest. Already he can hear them, their raised voices echoing off the tarmac, off the smooth metal of the wing. He doesn’t know what to do about Ayaz, about Terenzio and his rifle.

This was supposed to be just another flight. As it turns out, it would have been world-rocking even other normal circumstances, with the news waiting for him in Moscow (the thought of it, even for a moment, opens a void in his chest so dark and cold it feels like it’s going to suck him in). But it would have at least been an easy flight. Clear skies, good weather. A relatively new plane with a clean maintenance record, the captain was experienced but easy-going, always willing to share the duties, not one to toss around his authority or micromanage. It would have been an easy flight, just one of many.

But now the world was ending. Now there was nothing else but this flight, this one plane that could fall apart at any moment and send them crashing into the ground. Especially if they kept shoddily patching it, and salvaging fuel of unknown quality from airports at the edge of the world.

Or he could be the one to falter.

As he contemplates the fragility of their aircraft, another wave of dizziness passes over him, blurring the stars on the horizon. Mathieu has to steady himself more firmly against the ladder, holding tight to the freezing metal as he wavers, head pulsing.

Tired, just tired. His hand hurts, his head hurts, but he’ll be fine. With some rest.

He is way over his duty hours, he thinks with a wry smile. He’d been on the edge of it. If the flight to Moscow had been delayed, he would have been skirting close to going over. If this had been any other other circumstance, he would have been grounded. If he’d kept flying like this - so exhausted he was dizzy, in so much pain from his head and his hand that sometimes he can’t think of anything else - he would have had his license suspended. You can’t fly planes if sometimes the world spins before your eyes and the pain leaves you reeling.

Their plane might fall apart, but it’s equally likely Mathieu make a mistake that dooms them. It’s getting hard to think. It takes all his concentration to perform the basic tasks of flight. If they have another major issue, if there’s another catastrophe, he might not be able to react fast enough to save them and keep the plane in the air.

They don’t have another option. They have to keep flying.

He sets it from his mind. One thing at a time. Once he is confident he can keep his feet, he descends from the ladder, back into the chaos of their little band of survivors. He winces as the metal stings his hand, wound throbbing as he tries to pull the ladder away from the wing.

“I’ve got it.” Osman reaches around him to grasp the rail of the ladder. Mathieu hadn’t heard him coming up behind him.

“It’s alright, I-”

“I’ll take care of it,” Osman insists, waving him off. “Jakub says he’s almost finished fixing the window, if you want to-”

Mathieu nods. “I’ll check in with him.”

“And sit down for a minute or something. You look dead on your feet.” He’s scrutinizing him with a furrowed brow. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

Mathieu turns away from Osman’s concern. “Yes, I’m fine. We need to take off soon.”

Osman nods in agreement and pulls the staircase away, wheeling it away.

The stars slip in and out of focus on the horizon, turning from pinpricks of light to fuzzy streaks. The plane, looming before them, blurs. It takes longer for the dizziness to pass this time, for the lights to coalesce into shapes, for him to have a firm grasp on which way is up and which is down.

Mathieu sighs and heads up the stairs to where Jakub is fixing the window. They have to take off in twenty minutes. He can only hope that the instruments don’t dance and blur before his eyes like the stars.

He has to fly the plane.

**Author's Note:**

> Continued tiny fandom adventures! Apologies for dominating this month, but I've got one more to post on the 27th. ;-) 
> 
> I always especially appreciate people sharing this tiny fandom space with me. 
> 
> Comments/kudos/shares/frogs always appreciated. <3 Find me on [tumblr @ bereft-of-frogs.](https://bereft-of-frogs.tumblr.com/)


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